Pit bulls, bad horror, good music, comics and cartoons - that's really the extent of who i am. i'm a lot more deadpool than i am disney princess. sarcasm comes with the territory.

I'd love to make new friends.

 

Let me preface this by saying I am only writing this all down to see if it makes sense in paragraph form.

Because it does not in fact make any sense contained in my head.

So here we go.

I am 24 years old. I have a full time job as the assistant manager of a cosmetics store. I work 45 hours a week, closer to 60 when commute is counted in.

I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I suffer from Wilson’s Disease. I potentially suffer from Fibromyalgia. And then there is this mystery ailment that is causing my body to not oxygenate my blood properly.

I pay my own rent. I pay my own utilities. I am paying off a college loan ever so slowly. I am also slowly paying off a debt to anesthesiologist. I pay about $400 a month to them, combined. I pay about $700 a month for rent and utilities.

Yet, currently, I can’t work, because I am sick. Meaning I currently can’t make money. Meaning I can’t afford to go to the doctors to find out what is wrong with me. Meaning I can’t go back to work. Meaning I can’t afford to pay the doctors. Meaning I can’t get the medications. Meaning I can’t go back to work.

So no working.
Means no getting better.
No getting better.
Means no working.

I can collect disability, which is roughly 60% of my current salary. Meaning I wouldn’t have the money to pay my rent and my bills, let alone afford the upkeep on my car, food, or my puppies.

….So, this is the American Dream lately.

My American dream is simple. I want a comfortable home. A fenced in backyard. The money to turn on the air conditioner when its too hot out. The money to sign my dogs up for the training classes they need. The money to fix the shaking my car does whenever it goes over 45MPH.
Maybe enough money to take a day off from work if I’m having an empty day. I don’t want to be on disability or unemployment. I don’t want someone to take care of me. I want to work for what I have. I want to make life work with what I have.

Why is that so fucking hard?